We recently reviewed
Heart Of Oak's (aka.
Jimmy Broomfield)
début album
'E.P. | One' and as he's been touring Germany with the brilliant
The Lion & The Wolf we've been discussing over email mental health, his record, life and a bit of politics for good measure.
You just released 'E.P. | One', could you explain the struggles you faced releasing the record?
"It's taken me the best part of eight years to make this record.
There are many reasons it’s taken so long, but the main one is that a voice has permeated in my head almost every day telling me that I will never, ever be any good, that nothing I do or make will ever matter and that I'm a fool for trying. I listened to that voice for so many years, I let him win, and I didn't record anything. I dreamed of making a record, of the day I would hold the CDs in my hand, but it was always that, a dream. Instead, I joked around, I didn't take it seriously, when I went on tour, I burned many terrible, awful demos that I'm embarrassed about and I didn't take it seriously, how can you when everything you do makes you feel like a fool?
But there’s another part of my head that needs to create, to write songs, or write words. The times that I'm singing seems to be about the only time my very, very busy head goes still and quiet, and I need that more than anything.
So many times I thought about quitting, but then realised I had to do it, I had to make a record. I was turning 30 and I’d dedicated so much time and effort into writing and playing these songs. I needed something to show for all that hard work. So, effectively, I tricked my brain. I moved faster than my thoughts could, when I got a message that my friend Bob Cooper had a cancellation, I went to Manchester and in one night we recorded seven songs in one hit, mixed them the next morning and left with a finished record. 26 hours from start to finish. I was nervous and there were a few wobbles in the studio, but I knew I was committed, I HAD to do it.
I won’t lie between then and the release I did everything in my power to sabotage the process, I didn't do things in time, I wasted days panicking about whether it was any good, or anyone would like it, I probably should have done a PR campaign, there were so many things I should have done, but the “lizard brain” as I call it, took over, to the point that, in the last few weeks/days before it came out, I couldn't answer emails or messages from my friends, I hid, so scared of being found out.
But, just a few weeks ago, the CDs arrived in the post and I achieved something I’d dreamed about for a long, long time.
I got to hold the finished CDs in my hand, with the most astoundingly beautiful artwork by my friend Vera Ickler, and I'm so, so proud of
So when things are going pear-shaped, what coping mechanisms do you employ?
"I’m still learning how to cope, I’m not sure if there is such a thing as a fool-proof coping strategy, but I’m a big believer that when your head is in a bad place, stop denying it the things it wants. Providing what you want, or what brings you comfort is safe and that you have a little spare money, then buy yourself a present, just a cake or something little, or bury yourself in a favourite show, just do something relaxing and comforting that brings you a little joy. I understand if you’re not so good at self-control, those situations might not be the best idea, but it works for me though (admittedly the cakes are starting to show, maybe jogging is the better idea).
I think the one thing I have learned is to be more vocal, to talk about my problems and issues. For the longest time I kept my problems buried within myself and that only made things worse. The old “a problem shared” cliché is totally true and I'm so lucky to have friends and family who are the first to tell me the truth when my head is on the wobble, even if it takes a little while to believe them/for things to sink in.
When they don’t work or if things get too bad, I think the other blessing I have is the knowledge that, when things get too bad, I’m never more than a phone call or two away from my counsellor, but thankfully, I haven’t needed him for quite a long time. I went through a long period of counselling when I was at uni in 2008/2009 and again last year, and I can honestly say it’s the best thing I’ve ever done in terms of learning coping strategies and looking after myself. It’s also great comfort to have an emergency button/safety net, should things get too bad, it is expensive and I’m not sure how I’d afford it right now, but the knowledge that it’s there is a great safety net. I know I’m lucky in that sense. There are people very, very close to me who have struggled to find appointments, counsellors, or any help at all and I cannot believe how inadequate the NHS (and from the sounds of it Germany and several other places I’ve been), can be at getting people the help when it’s needed, I wish I knew what I/we could do to improve that, but alas, with the pretty shitty government we have right now, I’m not sure if anything will change for a while."
Is there any music you turn to when you're feeling down?
"I don't have too many records I rely upon when those days happen. For the most part, if the bad voice is winning I can't listen to anything because every great lyric or awesome melody I hear is more fuel to my lizard bastard brain that tells me everything I do is rubbish and I could never make anything as great as this. BUT, right now, as with everyone in the whole world, I'm deeply in love with the new Pinegrove record and just like everyone else, I will forever and always be utterly in love with the way John K Samson writes a song. His solo stuff and his work with the Weakerthans are probably my favourite “song-writing” of modern times, his ability with words is like some Indiana Jones holy grail shit."
Do you think there's a link between music and mental health, whether that's playing or listening to music?
"I think a lot of people, whether they have specifically diagnosed mental health issues or not, take solace and comfort in music, I know I do when I can! I know there have been studies that have found depression and other mental disorders are far more prevalent in creative people, but I'm always a bit reticent to talk about specifically that one job or mindset. I think when it comes to those issues, it’s far more important that the walls are taken down for every profession, there are probably a million plumbers, doctors, squirrel farmers, or whatever that go home and stay up all night because their brains tell them that they'll never be any good at whatever it is they do. I’m by no means saying that one group has it easier than another, whatever job it is you do, I still think the most important, but yet most difficult and more brave thing you can do is admit to having a problem, only then can you/we start to progress and to talk about these things in the open."
We gave 'E.P. | One' 8.5/10 in our review, check it
HERE
If you want to find out more about the Mental Health Foundation or Mental Health Awareness Week go
HERE
Also check out our other articles on mental health & music
HERE
Jack Garratt // Great Hall // 19.11.16
